


would you love me for the hell of it (all our fears would be irrelevant)

by Falcon (obligatory_word)



Series: Shooting Star AU [4]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Eating Disorders, F/F, Heathers: The Musical References, Inspired by Shakespeare, Minor Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson, References to Drugs, References to Shakespeare, Shakespeare Quotations, The Author Regrets Nothing, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29353371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obligatory_word/pseuds/Falcon
Summary: "Yeah, you're right. You'll lose her one day. So make every moment of now count because you'll never take it back.""We always end in tragedy, Finn. We're not like you and Rachel.""No, you're not. And I pray to Grilled Cheesus you both will never be. You're both better than us.""We're not endgame. You and I both know that.""You're right. You're not endgame. You're both forever."Or...Parker and Marley's relationship before All or Nothing as told through Shakespearean quotes.Telling it through its ups and downs, and everything inbetween. When it's everything and nothing at the same time, when Parker resists or through Marley's struggles. It's a tragedy written in Shakespearean comedy- through suffering, weirdness and pain.They both know what the ending is, but that doesn't stop them from toeing that line.
Relationships: Jake Puckerman/Marley Rose, Marley Rose/Original Character(s), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson
Series: Shooting Star AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717462
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	would you love me for the hell of it (all our fears would be irrelevant)

**Author's Note:**

> i'm back sup y'alls. i have defeated writer's block and i love marley and parker pairing with all my heart and now your author is being a crackhead in notes I SWEAR THIS IS A SERIOUS STORY

**_Hear my soul speak. Of the very instant that I saw you, Did my heart fly at your service_ ** **_._ **

  
  


“Great job, Marley,” Parker grinned, in lieu of a greeting as Marley shut her locker, scaring the sophomore. 

“Parker!” Marley yelped, jumping a foot in the air as the school devil laughed good-naturedly, leaning against the wall with a smirk and eyebrows raised. “You scared me.”

“That’s my job,” Parker winked, carefully steering them outside. “You did great in your audition yesterday.”

“You…” Marley hesitated. “You saw it?”

Parker let out a snort, before entering a full blown laugh as they exited the school and at the parking lot where Parker’s truck was. The school devil twirled the keys on her finger as she casually grinned with such an easy-going vibe that Marley couldn’t help but smile back at her. 

“There is a tide in the affairs of men, Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures,” Parker intoned, spinning the keys back into her palm as Marley paused to think about where could that be from.

“... Hamlet?” Marley guessed, as Parker laughed, shaking her head.

“Nope. Julius Caesar. Close, though,” Parker grinned, leaning back on her truck as they paused beside it, Marley not wanting to go yet and Parker making no move to leave either. She paid no mind, though, looking at Marley expectantly. “It would be so uncouth of me to help you out and not support you in your audition.”

Marley raised her eyebrows at Parker, circling her almost cautiously. “And I now owe you a favour, right? Did I, y’know, sell my soul to the devil?” She did a weird jazz hands gesture.

“Funny, that’s if the devil has interest in your soul in the first place,” Parker replied, pushing off of the truck. “Devils and souls don’t usually mix. This humble devil just wants to make the world a tad bit better.”

“That’s what JD said before he murdered three people and tried to blow up an entire school,” Marley countered, clearly getting a bit more confident with Parker.

“Sadly, there is no Quinn, Santana and Brittany to be the three Heathers, no Finn and Puck to be Kurt and Ram, nor is there any Mercedes to be Martha Dunstock,” Parker said, folding her arms and coming closer to Marley, grinning at her. “There’s only you and me, Veronica and JD.”

“You’re a better influence than JD would be,” Marley laughed, as Parker looked away.

“Nah, I doubt that.”

Parker smiled, as the shouts of football players spilled out of the school. They would see her with Marley, and Marley might end up in deeper trouble than she already is. But she doesn’t want to leave Marley just yet, so she makes an impulsive decision.

“Care to test that?” Parker winked, opening the truck door for Marley. A clear invitation to go somewhere… anywhere.

And Marley should probably say no, she knows that she doesn’t know Parker that well, knows that she just _shouldn’t_ after all she’s been through, but bright midnight blue eyes wink back at her and a slow smile spread across her face as she accepted Parker’s outstretched hand.

“I would not wish Any companion in the world but you,” Marley giggled, as Parker helped her up into the truck and climbed aboard herself. “I really shouldn’t be doing this, my mom will kill me.”

“Men at some time are masters of their fates: The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings,” Parker said, smiling at Marley as she put on her seatbelt and turned the ignition.

“Et tu, Parker?” Marley asked, causing Parker’s hands to freeze on the steering wheel. Just for a moment, as Parker recovered relatively quickly. 

“No,” Parker said. “My fault is in the chains that I myself yield, alive and writhing like legless serpents, tangled in intangible knots tied tighter than the ships’ sails in the Odyssey. Futile and self-inflicted, a prison on my own accord strengthened by other hands, strengthened by familiar but broken love.” Parker sighed. “To be hurt in the front it stings, but from the back it kills. Hell is empty, and all its devils are here.”

Marley looked at Parker, and then away. “Let’s get some burgers?”

“Yeah…” Parker said emptily. She wanted to look at Marley, but everything in her body screamed at her not to do so.

“I’m right here,” Marley said, hesitating whether to put a hand on Parker’s. “I just got here, and I don’t think I’d be going anywhere.”

Parker only gave a half-smile as she took a glance out and saw the footballers coming closer to the truck.

“Let’s ride. Lady Rose has said what we should do, and that is burgers,” Parker said, and they both peeled out of the school.

  
  


**_Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?_ **

  
  


Only Brittany knows about her and Marley. How they met, how Parker snuck into the auditorium to watch Marley’s performance. How each day after they met, after Glee club, Marley’d disappear for a bit. Parker would never really talk to Marley while in school, no their rendezvous were after school, in Parker sneaking into Marley’s house, never the other way around, because Marley was too good for that. They were in Marley making a beeline for the truck she knows is parked away from school, they were in Parker showing up outside the school grounds with Julie Andrews and ice cream, they were in small pranks Parker would pull for Marley when she sees the bullying get too far, over knowing smirks and giggles as Kitty screams about cat fur in her bag. Only Brittany knows about all this.

So of course it was Brittany who finds Parker waiting for Marley, leaning against her truck, looking down at her phone.

“Heya, Marley, ready to go? Listen, I noticed you haven’t been eating lately and I thought…” Parker said, looking up at the sound of footsteps before letting out an ungodly scream at seeing Brittany there instead of Marley, causing her phone to bounce from hand to hand, making Brittany laugh as Parker sprawled onto the floor, catching her phone.

“Wow,” Brittany said. “You really have it bad.”

“What?” Parker asked, getting up from the floor and dusting off her jacket. “No, no what do you mean, huh?”

“You like her.”

“Uh, duh? Or I wouldn’t be talking to her,” Parker scoffed, checking her phone again, before looking back up at Brittany. “What?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Of course, Britt, you’re the only one who can suggest that-” Parker froze, as Brittany watched a myriad of expressions dance across her face. “No.”

“So you do like her.”

“Britt, NO.”

“It’s cute. You guys look good together.”

“Let’s not go into that,” Parker huffed, but the bite was not there, which intrigued Brittany. 

“I think you’re more than liking her. I think you love her.”

“No,” Parker denied. “I’m not in love. We met only a few weeks ago, Britt.”

“Love at first sight.”

“No. This is not a fairytale.”

“You’re Romeo and Juliet,” Brittany said.

“Do you even know how Romeo and Juliet ends, Britt?” Parker asked, frustrated, looking around for Marley.

“They live happily ever after and have mad awesome sex in a hot tub?” Brittany asked, as Parker’s head snapped back to look at her. 

“What? No, Britt. They _die._ They both die.”

“Does your heart skip several beats when it sees her?” Brittany asked, as Parker glared at her.

“What are you-”

“Is the only reason why you’re not with her the fact you’re afraid?”

“Britt, please.”

“You’re not denying it.”

“Nor am I confirming it. Good _day_ , Britt,” Parker snapped, pushing past her and stopping a few steps away.

“I know that you and Marley have this meeting place underneath this really old tree in the outskirts of town where nobody really goes because you hang out there and hide stuff there like knives and booze and drugs and weed and that you gave a lot of it up for her and that-”

“OKAY!” Parker yelped, startling Brittany. “Okay, okay, jeez, all of that is true, now pipe down before someone hears.”

“She’s not your dirty secret, is she?” Brittany asked.

“Marley? Marley will never be my dirty secret. I’m not ashamed of her, I never have been. She’s kind and good and everything that I’m not, just dealt such a bad hand in life but she sees the best in me, in everyone around her that I can’t help but admire, and I can’t hide that sort of light from the world, I’m only hush hush because I want to protect her. You know how it is Britt, with my connections. But she’s amazing and too good for me, I knew it from the first time I saw her-” Parker stopped her rant as soon as she said that, basically confirming Brittany’s suspicions. “- THAT DOES NOT MEAN I LOVE HER. And how did you know all of this anyways?”

“Lord Tubbington tells me all of the gay activity happening around the area with his cat mafia.”

Right, never underestimate Lord Tubbington. Duly noted.

“I think you should give it a try,” Brittany encouraged as Parker looked back at her. “You and Marley.”

“Can’t be,” Parker chuckled emptily. “I don’t think she likes me that way anyways.”

“So you like her?”

“I neither deny nor confirm.”

  
  


###  **_My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite._ **

Marley’s not used to boys fighting over her attention. She’s more used to girls giving her dirty looks and whisper rumours behind her back.

She’s not used to having someone on her side, either. When Kitty gives her a look, Kitty inevitably ends up with some sort of mishap somehow, and Marley would just catch Parker’s eye from across the room and watch her grin sheepishly at Marley, rubbing the back of her head as Marley shakes her head. Marley doesn’t approve- she really doesn’t. A lot of what Parker does is what she would call “dangerous territory”. The alcohol, the smoking, the drugs, the deals. She’s uncomfortable with what Parker does, but she doubts Parker is a bad person herself.

Of course Kitty probably knows it was Parker doing the pranks, she just doesn’t know why. It sits uncomfortably in her stomach as the footballers and Parker get into a fight. Marley knows better, as Parker launches fist after fist without giving away that she did it for her. And Parker simply shrugs and smiles and lets Marley treat her bruises and once a broken wrist and Marley is hardly fazed with the sight of blood.

“You need to be more careful.”

“I know.” Parker watches her with tired eyes. “You’re awfully good at this. Done it before?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.” 

“Fair enough,” Parker sighed, leaning her head back as Marley dabbed at a cut on her forehead. 

Oh, she’s done this for so long it’s instinct that Marley knows how to do first aid. She lets Parker lean against the tree as she pauses to examine her handiwork.

“I don’t like what you do,” Marley said simply, after a while. “I don’t like the deals.”

Parker laughed lowly. “It’s my job.”

“It’s nobody’s job.”

“It’s not the right thing, no,” Parker said simply, closing her eyes. “But it leads to the right thing. And when it does, only I will take the fall.” She opened her eyes again. “That’s if it works. You can’t stop me from doing it. I… I can only just keep your affiliation with me minimal so it wouldn’t affect you.”

They both know what Parker’s not saying. _She’s scared and running away. She’s just running away. She doesn’t know what to do. She’s lost, she’s trying to justify doing horrible things._

“You need to stop,” Marley sighed. But it was easier said than done. To kick something that you’ve been doing for a long time. Habits, habits, addictions, addictions. She knows that. They both know that.

So Marley can’t really stop Parker, as much as she doesn’t like what she’s doing.

Still, Parker exhales a shaky breath and surprises Marley, when she says, “Yeah, I need to stop.”

“You’re not a bad person,” Marley continued. “I just… I think you can do a lot better.”

“You assume the best in me.”

“I assume the best in everyone,” Marley explained, leaning against Parker. “It’s a flaw of mine. Even Kitty. Even you. Even the bullies in school. Everyone deserves a chance.”

“That’s just… not normal,” Parker snorted. “If you’ve been hurt many times you’d stop believing and doing that.”

“I know,” Marley laughed sadly. “They stared at me before I left for McKinley, when I just smiled at them.”

“Smiled at who?”

“My bullies. Maybe they were jealous, maybe they needed somewhere to release their anger on, maybe they were just as broken as I am to break me into… pieces smaller than what I am now.” Marley smiled ruefully at the ground, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Or maybe I’m still broken ever since I jumped off a building because of them.”

Parker stiffened, Marley could feel the rush of anger through Parker’s veins. **“I need names.”**

“It doesn’t matter,” Marley sighed. “Violence begets more violence.”

Parker relaxed a considerable fraction. “They should be punished.”

“They have been.”

“What punishment?”

“3 days suspension.”

Parker snarled. “That’s not enough.”

“But they faced consequences,” Marley protested. “Isn’t that fact enough?”

Parker took a deep, fortifying breath as Marley grabbed her wrist. Parker calmed down considerably again, before staring at the hand holding her wrist in relative confusion.

Marley doesn’t want Parker to ruin her life for Marley. For anything. She wants Parker better, because she knows Parker can be better. Parker right now is cold, sadistic, cruel and angry. Parker is lost, much like Marley is. 

“No,” Parker snapped, but her voice was wobbly and on the verge of tears. “No it’s not.”

“If something happens to them like it has to me, I will hate you forever,” Marley said, and Parker jerked her head towards her. “No one deserves that.”

“Neither did you.”

“It’s not your responsibility to do something about it,” Marley said, pulling away. “Don’t.”

This is dangerous territory, but Marley finds herself drawn to Parker over and over and over and even though she doesn’t agree with the things Parker does, Parker herself…

Well, she was falling for the protective, cheesy, goofy and joking Parker, the one who would encourage her and read Shakespeare. Marley likes Parker, likes who she is around her, and she knows that around her, Parker improves. There’s no drinking, no smoking, no drugs around her, maybe not at all. Around her Parker becomes more open and smiling, rather than cold and calculating, as she gives Parker more hugs when they’re alone, or more affirmation, or times to tend to her wounds when she gets into fights, less instigated and more self-defense. 

She’d leave notes in her locker and at the truck and at their tree. Marley knows the smiles Parker wears after reading them. Soft, sweet.

Oh Marley knew she was in love with Parker, but it was more of a gradual realization than someone helping her find out. She’s always known she didn’t mind genders in people she loved…

She was just conflicted on what she should do.

Because as the months go by, Parker and her grow closer, and she… she’s lost. But for once, she feels loved, and she loves Parker in return.

But she knows this about both of them: they may love each other, but they were both cowards.

  
  


###  **_Love is begun by time, And time qualifies the spark and fire of it_ **

  
  


Jake and Ryder were safe options. They both knew that. Jake and Ryder were both sweet and nice and they would treat Marley well, Parker knows. But she really envies them.

Jake and Ryder were both safe, because they were guys and had no dangerous connections to gangs or people in power. Marley’s picking between them because she likes them. This is just a silly crush, she reasons, she’ll get over it. But she doesn’t want to. She really doesn’t want to.

It becomes evident when Marley is still around Parker even though she’s frail and growing weaker and her head spins from hunger.

It becomes evident when Parker battles cold turkey and alcohol cravings just to be with Marley as they chat and talk about Shakespeare and songs and life.

They both think it’s a crush that would fade eventually. 

Months pass. Parker sees Marley with Jake and Ryder, the two competing for her attention. She’s happy, she’s happy, Parker tells herself. She’s happy. 

But why does it hurt so much?

Months pass. Marley sees Parker get busy with deals and other girls and boys who want a piece of the devil. She’s alright, she’s alright, Marley tells herself. She’s alright.

It hurts more.

It throbs so bad it forces Marley to regurgitate her only meal. Parker notices. She always does.

Parker’s ache is bad, and she gives into cold turkey eventually. Marley notices. She always does.

They both think they don’t deserve each other and that time would wipe away all forms of their relationship. But they’re drawn to each other like moths to a flame, and time doesn’t ease the separation. If anything, it burns brighter the longer it went on, their dance of cowardice and excuses that seemed to only grow feeble by the second. 

###  **_Love is blind, and lovers cannot see, The pretty follies that themselves commit_ **

  
  


They’re not blind. They’ve both been through enough hardship and pain to know that what they want is wishful thinking. It won’t last. It never would. Why would it? They were only in high school, they were in a homophobic world, they both were so broken that it wouldn’t be fair to both parties.

They both weren’t ready. They were both too scared to hurt each other.

And it hurts, all that pain. Because as much as it has been balanced with sweet moments shared in the dark, there were also arguments, screaming matches held in the private moments.

“I told you to STOP!”

“It wasn’t me!”

Parker would bluff her way through another deal that wasn’t quite legal or safe and Marley would scream and scold.

“Why didn’t you let me deal with them?!”

“I don’t want you to get into more trouble!”

Marley being passive, allowing her to be a punching bag for other bullies. Even the simplest solution of telling the teacher was shot down, and Parker would get frustrated. Marley would scream back.

They’re not blind. But they were.

Neither of them wanted to look at the obvious solution, which was letting go.

And yes, they were both no strangers to flaws and mistakes and imperfections, when Marley would question people and close off towards Parker or Parker would lash out with words not meant to demean or degrade, but they were poisonous arrows of truth that they danced around.

(“Am I your dirty secret or something?”

“Far from it.”)

They were not blind to flaws. Marley had been disappointed in Parker a lot, and Parker had seen the way Marley would crumple under pressure, giving in. Marley was naive, sad and closed off. Parker was cruel, sadistic and mean. They clashed in the worst ways and melded in the best ways. They weren’t ready, they know. But it didn’t mean they couldn’t pretend to close an eye to all their problems.

Because as Parker climbed the window and read Wuthering Heights to Marley as she went to bed, they could just pretend that it was just them, and their unspoken love. Or when Marley helps Parker with fixing a tire and their eyes meet. And they both forget for a moment.

Just for a moment.

Love is blind, but they’re not. So reality and mistakes hit hard.

###  **_Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind_ **

To Marley, it feels like some big cosmic joke. Of course she’d be put in this position. Of course she’d be paired with the total opposite, the one that’s probably going to get herself arrested before she even graduates. Of course she gets a bad influence.

Marley’s standards have dropped really low if she was falling for this kind of person. Her problem wasn’t even the internalized homophobia anymore, no. She was so desperate for love she needed someone, anyone to love her.

And she got the devil.

She likes Jake and Ryder, she really does. She just… needs time. She doesn’t mind trying to fix Jake’s playboy tendencies or helping Ryder with his dyslexia.

Logically, she knows Parker was the worst possible choice. Parker would try hard to be better around Marley, but she’d still do what she does, which in itself was dangerous and something Marley frowned upon. But traitorously her mind goes to the way Parker’s hands begin to shake, doubting herself, her decisions, her actions, but still doing them anyways. Parker needed to be better, _she herself_ needed to be better, and god knew how long that would take.

They’re not right for each other. 

They just aren’t.

The universe must have made a mistake.

… she must have done something to deserve this.

###  **_Come what sorrow can, It cannot countervail the exchange of joy, That one short minute gives me in her sight_ **

  
  


They kiss just before Grease.

And it’s the worst possible timing, because Parker’s just a stage hand and Marley was going to be up on stage kissing Ryder, her male lead, and Parker knows Jake is trying to go for her but.

But.

For one moment, they take it.

But they both know they can’t stay in it. 

They’re not ready. Maybe they’ll never be. It’ll always end in tragedy.

###  **_The course of true love never did run smooth_ **

  
  


Marley picks Jake and succumbs to eating disorders and failures and personal demons.

Parker slips up and returns to old habits.

Things always get worse before they get better, and they get worse and worse.

Marley collapses on stage. Parker gets a suspension. 

Neither of them feels like it’s enough.

Marley remembered the first time Parker snuck into her room. There was a growing tree outside her home as Parker (very poorly) scaled it, and almost made a loud crashing sound upon coming into the room, scaring Marley.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Marley laughed. “It was a dumb challenge and there’s no one home to avoid.”

“Yeah… but I figured I’d enter the fun way,” Parker giggled, aiming fingerguns. “So, I have a Spanish, Chemistry and History paper. What’s your work?”

“Math,” Marley pouted, reaching out across her desk and knocking over a worn copy of Romeo and Juliet. “Oops.”

The book clattered onto the floor by Parker’s feet, as she bent and scooped it up. The pages were dog-eared and yellow, well-loved and thumbed through. Taking another glance around, Parker could see quite a bit of romance novels on her shelf, the most prominent theme being…

“So uh, you really like tragic love stories, huh?” Parker asked. Marley looked up, watching Parker look over the titles with interest, pulling down a copy of West Side Story. “I remember the deal I had to take over the musical last year.”

At Marley’s disapproving look, Parker laughed. “It wasn’t to crash it or anything. I was one of the stage hands. The deal was that I took over for them and I got a free milkshake down at the Lima Bean.”

“That’s it?”

“Mhm, I don’t really ask for much from people, usually,” Parker said, then sighed. “But what people ask of me are the bad things. Beatdowns, blackmail… pretty sure I turned down so many offers done against the Glee club and people hated me for that.”

“Is that why they don’t hate you as much?”

“It’s more like why they don’t know me as much,” Parker corrected. “I have dangerous connections with gangs and dealers, been trying to minimize my school impact a little.” Parker frowned, then said so softly she thought Marley couldn’t hear. “I want to stop doing them, but I can’t.”

Neither of them broached the topic after that, instead launching into songs to sing and epic solos done in the hallway, followed by board games and music jamming.

After that, it became sort of a joke for Parker to climb the tree into her house whenever Marley asked if she could come over or if they were hanging out after school. Parker became Spiderman and Marley would be the awesome friend who high fives Spiderman after doing cool things. Parker has never abused the tree, or that method of entering even though Marley leaves her window unlocked all the time afterwards now.

Except once.

And, Marley should have expected it.

She was there, sitting on the windowsill, staring up at the sky. The stars twinkled in the moonlight as Marley staggered over, weakness in her feet and body after the day. She continued purging after Sectionals, continued this depressing cycle that fed into her dark mental state. She wasn’t an idiot either, she knew that Parker had returned to her depressive habits. 

But why was she _here?_

Was Marley dreaming? 

Her legs gave out under her as Parker tried to catch her. She clutched onto leather, sobbing.

“‘M sorry…” she mumbled, but she couldn’t hear Parker’s voice over the rush and roar of blood in her ears as her head spun.

And she blacked out.

In the morning, she saw a note from Parker in her Romeo and Juliet book.

They should talk, they really should.

But they don’t.

One day, Parker promises. If they’re meant to be, they’ll be.

###  **_Doubt that the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move his aides, Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love_ **

  
  


"Yeah, you're right. You'll lose her one day. So make every moment of now count because you'll never take it back."

"We always end in tragedy, Finn. We're not like you and Rachel."

"No, you're not. And I pray to Grilled Cheesus you both will never be. You're both better than us."

"We're not endgame. You and I both know that."

"You're right. You're not endgame. You're both forever."

“Finn, I’m not good enough for her.”

“But are you willing to change?”

“Yes!”

“Are you changing?”

“Yes.”

“Then you’re more than enough for her. Oh and…”

“What?”

“If you get better, do you still need Marley to be there?”

“She’s not a need, Finn, she’s who I want to spend my time with. I just hope she feels the same.”

###  **_I love you more than words can wield the matter, Dearer than eyesight, space and liberty_ **

**Author's Note:**

> GAYGAYGAYAGAY
> 
> what do you think? endgame?


End file.
